My Evil Knows No Bounds

[NOTE: This was two days ago. I think James (http://www NULL.ambardia NULL.com) came to pick me up for lunch or something.]

I just committed the most evil act. Therefore, like many criminals, I must now confess to the internet.Dr Evil Looking Evil

Our office really isn’t for the “general public.” So we have a “no soliciting” sign on the door and we keep it locked. Sadly, I am stuck out in front of the door like the stupid receptionist, er, ahem, excellent administrative assistant that I am. What happens? People are always trying to open the door, or knocking on it, trying to get in. They *know* they’re in the wrong place. They want directions. Because, you know, I don’t have any work to do, and of course I know every business that’s located up and down either side of HWY 183. Right?

There are several other businesses in this mall. One is a huge ophthalmology office. Directly across from me is a chiropractic office with cute little plants and crap all around the door. Next door to me is a technical surveying (I think) business which also has a poor sap stuck next to the window while he does his work. Do people knock on those doors? Of course not. I am so lucky.

Well, today. Hmm, today, no one is in the office and I was spending some quality “me” time looking at iPhone cases I probably won’t buy. I was busy, dammit! In any case, a car pulled up and an Asian couple got out. The man was on crutches. They begin arguing loudly in what I assume is their native language. It sounded like a dialect of Chinese, but what do I know about Asian languages? Very little.

I didn’t want to answer the door and deal with them, so I stared hard at the computer screen and picked up the office phone and pretended to be talking on it. That’s right, kids, you heard it here first. The Asian couple would have to actually knock on the door to get my attention. I held my breath and stared at the monitor like the secrets of the universe were contained within. I talked to an imaginary person on the phone about how much I wished the couple would go away. I hoped they wouldn’t knock, please, God, don’t let them knock! And they didn’t! They got back in their car and went away, arguing very loudly the entire time! Huzzah!

But what’s this? Now I am overcome with guilt. Not “and remorse” but guilt just the same… And so I purge myself, here in digital la-la land. Cheers, kids. I hope you won’t see me in “doesn’t give lost Asian couples with leg injuries directions” hell.

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1 comment to My Evil Knows No Bounds

  • Holly Jahangiri (http://jahangiri NULL.us/2013/)

    Yes, you’re going straight to hell. It’s okay – apparently, I’m paving the way.

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