Anxiety, Inc.

Or should that be “Anxiety, M.A.”? (clever, aren’t I? tee hee. tee. hee.)

The other day I had prepared this clever post on the nature of test anxiety and whether anxiety is actually “necessary” for success. I discussed how I always get very anxious about my exams but usually get A’s on them anyway, resulting in ridicule by dear hubby (http://www NULL.ambardia NULL.com). I wondered if I would do as well on the exams if I weren’t always anxious about them.  I have to admit that sometimes I’m anxious in spite of being well-prepared for the exam, but more often I am anxious because I have not prepared very thoroughly at all.  So is the anxiety really necessary? 
I say that I had prepared a post like the above, but I didn’t post it.  More interesting than the post itself is the reason I didn’t post it.  Having failed to blog that day, I went home and went to bed.  I dreamed that I was to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of a girl who was in my Pedagogy class last quarter.  I can’t remember her name — I think it’s Melanie — but she is almost finished with her M.A. and she seemed really together and methodical.  So anyway, Melanie was supposed to be getting married and one of my friends from grade school was there.  The two of them attempted to leave me behind, and when I confronted them, Melanie told me “Oh, I don’t want you in my wedding because you are LAZY!”

So if everyone in your dreams is really just an aspect of yourself, then what does this mean?   This person who obviously represents qualities I feel that I lack and a person from my past think I’m “unworthy to participate”.  Looks like it means that I feel like I need to be more methodical in my studies…  I guess that the friend from my past is there to remind me what I was like before I killed ALL those brain cells.  😀

I don’t know, though, because in the dream I really wasn’t that upset about being deemed unworthy to participate. I was relieved at not having to mess with either of the two women after all.  I didn’t care that the dream Melanie thought I was lazy.  Ah, maybe it was just a brain dump.  Still I don’t think it was a coincidence that I had that dream after pondering the nature of test anxiety and whether it helped or hindered productivity.

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